come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
