Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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