Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize