yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
