The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
