This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
