You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Let's get the cat blown out
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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