hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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