we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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