I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
