"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
