i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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