I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
