Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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