I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
