nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
