i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
