I got chris browned last night
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
