remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
