i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
