Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
