How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
