My room smells like vodka and shame
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
