she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
