pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
