All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
