I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
