it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
