I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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