at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
