He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
