I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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