and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
