i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so let's talk penis.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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