i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
