I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I've blown a few things in my day
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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