Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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