I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
