The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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