I got chris browned last night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
