just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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