When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
