just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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