i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
