Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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