I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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