the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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