I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
