Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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