That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
