It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
