he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
