i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
