Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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