Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
