I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
