yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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