The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
