He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
