he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize