Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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