May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize