I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
