I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
