Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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