If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize