It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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