there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
